PSYcho THOUGHTS#

Hated thy love!
Loved thy hate!
WHat an addiction I'm prone to!
Sadness kills.I'm noy spared.
Shattered back to where I started.
I'm Imperfect!
Deadify your soul,then you can understand what this world is!
No love!No peace,All hatred.
I'm sent to this world to find peace among the rotting corpse.
Hate me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dark sarcasm building roots!
May be because death is certain life is not!
Fear of life not death!!!!!
Who loved loneliness?who loved hate???
THis is what the world taught me............
A soul full of vengeance!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've not lost the race.
and I'll not quit.....



Note~I'm not turning psycho hai first of all.I just felt like wriring it long time ago when I first listened to Antim Grahan songs(local ktm black metal band).A bit of feelings hai.Here goes a very soulful extract from the lyrics of antim grahan.
As I wep my tears they burn,there shall be no more dawn.....
Ethernal darkness now for ever,I'm spirit living in this curse.
In thy world of Insanity,I live on the edge.And angels eternally thy burn.
(never thought this would be a post one day)
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musically CHAnged!!!!!

I'm a METAL fan.Especially black metal.My likenesses are Dark Tranquility,Lamb Of God,cof,cob,Kreator e.t.c.Liked even Daughtry,RATM,RHCP & some soulful music by Blunt,John mayer,Norah Jones e.t.c.Always hated hip-hop though.Tried my best to visit all gigs n concerts of ktm on Mahendra police club,Ex-army club,Nepal sangeet bidhyalaya & Bhrikuti Mandap.Always admired local metal scene.
Since I've come here things have changed a lot.Basically i'm missin the underground Nepali metal scene and local bands like Cruentus,Blood Blisters,Antim Grahan(broked up),Bhumi etc.Here less metal fans though many gigs happening frequently.Never been to any of the concerts over here.Since I came 4-5 international band like Scorpions,Black eyed peas had already performed.My play list on my cell her is confined to musics of RNB n some rock.Hinder and Breaking Benjamin were the best bands I discovered after coming to BangaloreBesides there songs,my play list consists of songs by Justin,Timbaland,sum 41,linkin park and some metal melodies.Back in home my play list were always full of metal songs.I've to say I'm a bit changed musically.
None of my close friends here listen to metal.All thing its just a loud crap without any melody.But if you go deeply there's no other music like metal.The lyrics,the eternal sorrow,the frustration,the anger,the pain.Everything you'll find in this music.Lyrics are awesome.
take a sample:
I am the lords of misery and sorrow Forever my slave I am the Lords of misery and sorrow Forever this pain I am the lords of misery and sorrow This is the end I am the lords of misery and sorrow This is thy demise
This lyrics is from the song Lords of sorrow and misery by Antim Grahan.
Even remember listening to metal programs oh HBC and Kantipur f.m.They too played good metal music.At least you can express your frustrations over the songs.I always loved black meta;.
Can you guess my personal favourite now??????
Its Pieces by Linkin Park.Really I've changed a lot..............
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extract of the disclaimer.
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1. No rights reserved! (except for the name and logo ktmROCKS, which is a registered TM)

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here is link to nepal's underground metal scene(click here)

MONDAY:)

Derai Parkheko din aja balla ayo!!!!(much awaited day came today only)I finished my theories and pacticals.Much happy and satisfied today.I woke up staright 9.30 today ans is planning to go to whitefield by evening.Sorry for my plans on photoblog on bangalore.Its not actually woking out.I'm alone here and roaming Bangalore is not like going around Basantapur.Will surely complete it one day.Anydate!!!!!!!
Life is a bit liveable now but if I remember tommorrow that 7 am wake up and 8am at the stop and then regular classes frm 9 to 5.It seriously sucks.Many things are happening here now and then.Will try to Jot them all here if i remember them all.
The 1st thing is,I again shaved my hair giving that Nepali touch.And everybody over here asking me why???????I said,"just like that".Since most of my friends are leaving for their home here witin India,I really want to go back Nepal.but..........
One of my Nepali friends here(nepali but India born)missed his last semester exam.All our eaxms were from 2 pm at day except the last at 9 am.He thought that exam was also on 2 and slept the whole morning.I tried calling him up but it was of no use.He finnaly missed his exam.sad bout him:(
First time in my life I gave my gaze ti someone here.He's lucky coz i trust him.I don't trust much people.That friend of mine requested me to write a note on him like how's am i???how i think???as such.......I thought of including it here only.He's a guy who i fll is gud but at times acts too sturrbon.At times he behaves like hell......i dont know what he finds in teasing and irritating people.....if the one i'm talking about is reading this blog tahe a note of it yaar....Abd he's atill flirting with his ex sabdcruz(he and i only know by that name).Oie seriously dont get angry with me hai.I'm writng the way you are.....I had a blog on my cell to sinceit is with my fren so can't post it now.will do it soon.Its on roman nepali.
The next incident is like..................I was on a class redaing before my practical exans yesterdau she was sitting with me on last bench.While we were casually talking she asked me if i was muslim?????????OMFG!!!!!!!!Do I look like Muslim?Since then i've been trying to figure out mysely how i look like.May be its because of my weird look and my trimmed head is adding om it.And my BOke Dari too(don know what its called in English).I want to spend at least today happily coz I know hard days are ye to see.Hope to work on photoblog and that gage post soon.........

Happy to be here again!!!!!!

After awful 2 weeks of exam fever finally i'm a bit fresh......4 wesubject for me coz in Nepal the political system is very easy and we only read it on 10 last if i remember nt 1 more to go on 6th of dec and that's IC(Indian Constitution).Definately a hard well..........But here all bout president,primeminister and MLA's...........But will try to do it gud........After my exams i'm plannin to take a tour round bangalore and make a photoblog lets see if it works out.........
My Exams went well hope i'll get gud marks.........
Nothing much to write here.Heard USA is celebrating student year in Nepal,m losin many of my frens back home......
College is restarting from 10 our #$&kin coll is like that.Its the rule of Bangalore university to give 1 mnth holiday but only 10 days holidays that's for christmas.I wanna come back home so much but can't do it......
hya gidi bhaisakyo yeta basda basda ....
na kohi cha kura milne na saathi nai cha jigre khali basyo game khelyo ..........ki nabhaye padyo ki nabhaya bahire.........
lefe in bangalore sucks at this time hai
can't roam a lot pheri exams ko ni darr cha ..........
herum xm pachi k huncha .....
bloggin cha garchu aru taha chaina ..........
till next blog......
(kasyo nepal janu manlagyo)

Hard Times Again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No Dashain!!!Hopeless Tihar and what after that??
Bangalore University first semester exams!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Almost three and half month here in Bangalore and I'm facing my 1st sem exams.
The courses are definately huge and what to say they haven't been completed on college.
Really hard times again!!
The time after I completed my 12th was like my golden days and that 1 yr of tensionless life(despite the visa issues)uHHHHhh.......
Gahanapokhari stay for loooooong hours ......
Babu dai ko cyber .............
Newroad ra kumari jahile pani..............
And what wouldbe my condition now?You all can think of it.
The course is very long and almost 40% had not been done on college.The practicals are like.......
me blogging that is very rarely ..........
We even couldn't do the 1st 10 practicals on electronics!!!!!!!!!OMFG!!How will i write exams?
C programming hopeless subject that turned me insane!!Its practicals not to talk bout that!!
All these boring things.why should I make you all sick ??????
My plans after Exams>>>>>
(1)hope to visit mysore(lets see)
(2)blogging
(3)blogging
(4)more blogging
I read so many blogs bout Thamel life,Dashain,Tihar amd daily lives.......
I wanted to write myself but who will wruite my exams if i only do these!!so guys will be back with really a cool layout and the contents too.......
My practicals had been postponded to 17th nov and theory from 21st of nov.......
Wish me luck!!!!!
Hope i'll at least get !st Division#

I'm SAD

NowAdays I turn psycho due to two things.1st is my nearing pradtical exams(from 5th and also my theory exams from 21st)and 2nd is all the anti-Nepali words I have to hear over here in Bangalore.My 1st clash was with my teacher.The second day went to college one teacher over there asked me questions in Hindi.I said him i'm more comfortable in English than HIndi .He asked me where i was from.I said from Nepal.Then he said me "so what you don't know Hindi?".At that time I thought what the f***.Why should I know Hindi?Am not I a Nepali and don't I have my own languge,tradition and culture?From that day the way I thought has completely changed.And the way I think India has completely changed.I'm mostly bored by the sick thinking of the people over here.They always thought Nepalese to be Bahadurs(they thought differently).I'm not here to explain the bravery of nepalese or praise Nepal or something like that.But whoever says what I'm really rpoud to a Nepali.Now i'll define my next case.This made me write this blog also.Few days ago I was on my Indian friends room.He had already a next friend over there.He just came up to me and asked how big was Nepal.I said its small but its a world for me.He laughed in a sarcastic way and definately it made me sick again.He than said something like Nepal is so much unprivileged due to because its trapped mosquito between China and India.I said him clearly that I was not there for something like nationalism.Then he again started making fum of me saying words like "sapji".I would have shown him what is "sapji" if he was in Nepal but damn...............And to tell the truth we are thought so different.But in a way if you compare the condition of Indians in Nepal its ..............I'm not going against India hai.....Those "DHOTIS" selling panipuris in Nepal,selling mobile covers on streets of Newroad,begging in RNAC,and broking the silence of kathmandu in mid-day with words like "alu,pyag,cauli"....who are they????Its you Dhotis..Even those who clean toilets in Bishal Bazar and cut paddys in Terai are all those Dhotis.But after all these also I in my life Never build up a bad thinking about them...I can't even blame Kumari and Jai-Nepal for those HIndi movies.WHY PROMOTE THEM????.....I don't wanna be Racist.But I'm definately upset.GUys sorry.....No offence to those who are extremely friendly to me........!!!!!!!!

just A normal Day

After a week and half long vacation from my college here due to cough and coldthis thursday night,I thought i would go to college.So tried to sleep earlier but i think i slept only by 1 or 2.Then yesterday morning i got up at almost 7am.Mt roommate said,"YOU're not comin to college".Then suddenly went to bathroom thinking i would take a bath.But then I remembered I just recovered from fever(makin excuses myself).Then I planned to apply extra deos and go to college.It was drizzling by 8 am.I went ot the busstop quickly.The college bus was late and newly painted.Previously it was yellow now its white.
.........................
Same way ,standing in a 30 minutes long way is not easy but i manage it almost every day.After the travel I reached my college in a place named Gottigere.Places names are strange here.Then I reached my college.I went to my class,none of my mates turned up so i called them up.They said they'll arrive by 2 nd or 4 th period.I was already starting to feel bored.Then came the 1st period mam.It was to boring the c programming class.We had a mixed class of sec a and sec b on 2nd period.After 2nd period we had a break but i remained on the class with one of my friend.
We' were havim fum watchin simpsons seris in my pocket pc.Then after that break was our library period.I went to lab tried google but it was not working.Now I thought i've nothing left in college except to give a nepali songs cd to a sikkimis-nepali fren.I did that then I slipped out of college through back and went to our junction where my frens usually smoke.All were there until we get a call from our fren from college saying c list is out.Most of my friends rushed to see if their name was there.My name was already in A list so no need to worry for me.
(Actually i'll define what actually is this list system.According to the Bangalore university student must have 75% attendence to give semester exams.a list=75% or more ,B list=65-75%
c list =very low attendece but able to give exams after paying fine.
So then my friends never came back.I with my local friend waited them all for 45 mins.It was already 2:30 i guess by that time.Heard some of my dear frens are not abl;e to give exams.I couldn't even collect guts to call em up and ask.My college is in village so getting as bus from inside is like finding a........................
Then we went to a place called chikammanali to get the bus.we got the bus and we came back to our place.I reached my place almost by 4;30;.could have come by school bus but ..........
i cursed myself the nepali way ( thukkaaaaaaaa.........)
Till to date i've not benn able to call my frens to ask wat all happened .I need to wait till monday the next time i'll be visiting my college................
lets hope they'll give al of my fren to write exams...........
(wrote this blog while chatting with my frens s may have many mistekes)
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Dashain Fever!!!!!!

At this moment most of the Nepal affiliated blogs are filled with blogs about Dashain.Looking all these happenings,I thought my blogspot also needs a justification on that so thought of writing one.Today is Aasthami,but by the time I post this blog it'll be Nawami I guess.
I'm currently in Bangalore doing my BCA.And this is my 2nd dashain out of home.Previously, was in PUnjab ae class 8th if I remember.While I was in Nepal I've heard alot about the Dashain in India,but the reality is a bit different.The 1st surprise came when the college didin't even gave a single day holiday.Second came when in class I heard that the college in arranging extra classes at this festive hour.Whenever my mom or sister calls me up ,they just make me turn nostalgic and remember about Nepal.But as i grew older and older Dashain is not like Dashain for me.Its just like some card stuffs at home and some non-veggy thing that's it.Last 3/4 Dashain's were not like Dashain here in Nepal.Maybe(definately) because the country was under war previously.Don't know how its going to be this year either.But I can hope this Dashain turns out to be good for everyone.
Newroad & Basantpur would have started getting very crowded.Let's forget Ason.Guess some fest would be going on,on the streets of Newroad,some jamming in Basantpur.Thamel too would be crowded and busy.Some concerts would be going on,on Brikuti Mandap.All the schools and colleges must have been closed for Dashain and what not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That's really turning me nostalgic!!!!
Thamel shops would have started humming mangal dhuns,temples would have started fillling up.The streets gradually must have been less crowded and the Ratnapark micros definately would have decreased.Buspark and Kalanki would be packed nowadays i guess.Local Cahnnels would have started a small logo writing"Bijaya Dashami ko Mangal maya Kamna" on a corner.And all the Nepalese would be rejoicing the festival season.I miss them all.
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I don't know what I'll do out here this Dashian.Totally confused.After all I'm sick too noe over here.
I think I'll read all those blogs again on Dashian and feel contented what more left to do.
Happy Biajaya Dashmi to you all.
Sabai le Chitayeko pugos,sabai khusi rahun.
Desh ma shanti chaos(not chaos).
That's all I know how to give blessing.........................

BLOGGING\m/

I am not a blogger.I'm not even a good writer.But when it comes to open journalism like blogging & putting up owns word i think it requires no knowledge.So I love blogging.But I'm not a good blogger at a but I'm a pathetic writer.Hope you all get that.
I was blogging early in different sites and forums but on blogspot this is my first personalized blogging page..........(after blogging in many sites now i've nothn stored for myself so thought of makin a blogspot)
I got this idea only when i surfed the pages of wagle dai and zaded(nachamkiyera hiraharu).They're all great.later will give their links if i'm permitted.....
Wagle dai is much into country thing but he rocks.Zaded is of my type and she too rocks(seriously).I think you all will be at the top.I think I can't blog regularly but if you ask me bout kathmandu and blog on it i'll make 1000 of it.Blog after all has become the way of my life.
But i'm good reader that writer.Always has so much fun on wagle dai's blog and turned too nostalgic at zade(sounds better)blogs.They really reflect Nepal and Kathmandu.
After this blogspot account I'm really exiced to blog now.After all college life here in Bangalore SUCKS.........................
so, is has become my only was to remember tose golden days i had in valley with my frens.But Kathmandu is Kathmandu........
I don't even bother for comments or people visiting my blogs coz i know there are millionds other blogs better that me to be read and commented.(i think)
I love blogging so i think i'll blog every now and then.
I'm a amateur blogger so if mistakes are found please help me correct it and improve my blog skill.To all the readers.
Blogtantra Zindabad.........................
Jai Nepal.................................
(actually had to be my 1st post but its 3rd)

Kathmandu days

I'm in Bangalore India now and miss my country and Kathmandu so much...........
..............
The night newroad and basantapur visits,the Gahanapokhari stay,the secret Manakamana travel and many more..........
How can they go away from my memory .....................
I am missin the local momos of Kathmandu the most........
here in bangalore momo are not like momo at all ....
I along with my fren sanjog,sachin,navin solta,chau,kale,mukesh,tshering,ricky,mata,hanu and all other gahanapokhari guys used to have so much fun there.We use to spend the whole day there on the side of lake jus by the coffee and some snacks of Bhim dai's shop.Bhim dai(brother) is a cool person.He use to run a small tea shop which he extended to a shop.So we all the guys use to buy everything from Bhim dai.He was like our guardian.
And on every celebration those Thamel nigths.
I can never forget those moments.Dining at chandiko thal.goin to Thamel on night.Christmas and those new year celebration i can never forget.The Christmas in which we could't return hom and had to sleep on chau's house .
All those moments..................
Babu dai's cyber ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
continuous 4-5 hrs of download even illegal downloads giving seats to girls on cyber.And chatin with the girls next seat.Those cyber parties with noodles and fresh.Krishna dai's anger ,Babu dai's smile ,Muskan dai's rage and suggestion ,Arvind,s HI5 postin how can i forget those moments.............
And my hostel located at kalopul,maligaun.
My hostel warden or head Kanta mam.She was cool.Pratikshya miss,sano babu,bishnu dai,chandar didi all were great.
After all I miss all of them here each and every moment.
The harry porter turned to DIe hard-4 day.Sleepin on Mukesh's room goin to eat at putalisadak.Going to Navin's room,Bibek's room and watchin movies.I reallly miss you all ..........
Even I can never forget the Goethe moments .
not readin and comin for exams those germany conversations .
Suman and Arun and the dai's
i all miss you here
Hope to see you all soon
I really dying to meet you all
really missing Nepal

My visa story

My visa story started when my father convinced me to go to Germany for medical education after my ISC in St. Xavier's kathmandu.After my ISc exams were over I then did 3-4 months of pre-medical course and then rushed towards Goethe Institute Kathmandu a renowned German language institute in Nepal.Than with much more difficulty i passed the A1 level in German Language then joined the A2 level.By that time I's also applying online and I got the acceptance from Muenster University.Then rushing for the visa process I went to my home to make all the relevant documents.Then after coming back to the place where German Embassy was there in Nepal I applied for the visa.By that time I was also doing my A2 on Goethe.When the first time I went for submission of the documents they said that the documents I've submitted were not full so they turned me back.I then again went to the visa section for submission of the form but they again said that my flight reservation was too fast and they couldn't do the the processing too fast.I then postponed the flight reservation .By that time, I had to again post pond my travel and medicine insurance .The after all those hecks I went to the Embassy and that day only they accepted my visa application form and called me for the interview.The interview was after 2 weeks and I was worried what to do for such a long time then i started spending most of the time outside my hostel.Then the day of interview came then a call came form the embassy by 8.40 in the morning.I had to be at the embassy by 10 they told.
Then I went to the Embassy and I was made to wait for 1.20hrs in the waiting room.Then a fair lady came and asked me if I was Saurav Pradhan.I said yes.She took me to the interview room.
By that time my fear was already gone.The lady questioned me for bout half an hour and said me that the intrview was over.Then I asked her when should come again to know about my visa process.She told me give a call to the Embassy after 3 weeks.By that time my German going process has already elongated to 7 months including my time on language classes.
After much wait of 3 weeks I called the Emabassy and I was mad to hear the answer.
They told me that my first interview was not so good so they asked me to come again for the interview.I was completely insane by that time.At the same time I felt like leaving all these hecks and starting my bachelors in Nepal itself but then I too remembered the time and money i loosed during the whole process.
Then I again went for the the so called 2nd interview.They just interview me for 5 minutes and said that I could go back.I then called the embassy the following week.They told me to come to Embassy by myself.The next Monday I went to the Embassy with much hope.Most of the students that day were getting the visa.Then my turn came to go inside.As i entered the visa section it started raining very badly so I thought something really bad was happening to me.
Then I went inside the visa section picked up the microphone talked to the visa consular.Then the consular replied"You had a great chance but you couldn't make it".By these words I was broken.My dream of going to Germany for medical education got shattered that time.
I went home and made up a mind to write the appeal letter.Then with a help of senior O wrote the Appeal letter.
Here the link photo of my appeal letter written by my own hand:

[IMG]http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z273/saurav_album/Scan10009.jpg[/IMG]

After I submitted my appeal letter next day they said to call after few weeks.They even told that the process may elongate too long and even no decision may also come.
So I talked to my father and said him that I wanted to go to Bangalore,India for some computer courses.He accepted me on the first trial.Then the very next day I came to Bangalore with my dad and started to do BCA .I am living on a college hostel now whose condition is miserable.But after all Bangalore is a great place to be in.
After coming to Bangalore I send the mail to German Embassy but they replied me that my visa was completely rejected.
Since then I've been thinking that medical education was not for me so they rejected .
I'm happy here in Bangalore doing my BCA despite missing all my friends,family and the whole country Nepal.